Sometimes when you enter parenthood, you can feel like you're on a continuous learning curve just trying to figure out what you need and when. This week we're talking about that ramp into parenthood with Anna Fuller, founder of 3am Society, a service designed to help parents find the best deals on all the things they need, when they need it. We'll cover what inspired the 3am Society, the realities of first-time parenting, and the realizations that hit you along the way, from seeing other parents in a whole new light to finding joy in everyday moments.
Note: Information in this episode is based on personal experiences and is provided for educational and entertainment purposes only. Information in the podcast does not constitute professional advice. We encourage you to independently evaluate any content and consult with appropriate professionals as needed for your specific circumstances.
Getting Started with Baby Podcast
A Few Key Quotes
On discovering the "secret society" of parent colleagues:
"It was like all of a sudden I stumbled upon this secret society of people who were going through [this]...I was just so impressed with all of the parents around me…I kind of feel like I had not fully appreciated what they were going through before [having a child]." — Anna
On the overwhelming love you feel for your child:
"The thing that far surpassed my expectations is just the crazy joy and love that you feel for your children…I think it really does change your whole outlook and your priorities." — Anna
On finding perspective in difficult parenting days:
"Take joy in the mundane and enjoy the overall process… Just be there to connect with your child and enjoy your time with them because the reality is they're getting older so quickly." — Anna
The Takeaways
- Don't put pressure on yourself to travel with a newborn: While well-meaning parents might tell you to "travel while they're small," remember that the first few months with baby can feel incredibly tough. You're dealing with emotions, hormones, and new challenges like postpartum anxiety. Take things at your own pace—venturing out to a restaurant or going for a walk can feel like big accomplishments by themselves
- Postpartum anxiety is real and common: Anna experienced anxiety for the first time in her life postpartum, which made even simple outings feel overwhelming. Key strategies that worked for her included: not being too hard on herself, setting reasonable expectations for her day, talking to a therapist, and connecting with a parent community experiencing similar challenges. Note: Postpartum anxiety is more common than many realize, impacting an estimated 15% to 20%of new parents. Symptoms—like excessive worry about the baby’s safety, racing thoughts, or a reluctance to let others care for the child—can easily be mistaken for “normal” new parent concerns meaning postpartum anxiety can often go underdiagnosed. You can find more detail on symptoms, treatment options and support at Postpartum Support International. Additionally, the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (1-833-TLC-MAMA) offers 24/7 support from trained counselors who can guide you to local resources or simply listen when you're feeling overwhelmed. And, of course if you suspect you’re experiencing signs of postpartum anxiety or depression, you can reach out to your doctor for evaluation and support.
- Appreciate the parents around you: Becoming a parent opens your eyes to the "secret society" of other parents out there who've been managing demands on their time that likely weren’t there before kids.
- Find community through parenting groups: Consider seeking out parenting groups in your area to meet others in the same stage of parenting. These connections can last for years, providing ongoing support and friendship through all the different phases of raising kids.
- Perspective is everything: Anna references an Instagram video showing the same day from both a mom's and toddler's perspective. The mom sees chaos and things going wrong, but the child sees the best day ever spent with mom. Sometimes having a reminder to shift perspective can help you through some of those tough parenting moments and bring you joy even in the everyday chaos.
- The love you feel is both unique and universal: The overwhelming love for your child is unlike anything else, yet it's also one of the most common feelings in the world, shared by billions of parents. This paradox makes the experience both deeply personal and universally connecting.
Anna's Baby Gear Pick
Credit: Amazon.com
The Full Conversation
[edited from audio transcript for clarity]
Jane Dashevsky: Sometimes when you enter parenthood, you can feel like you're on a continuous learning curve just trying to figure out what you need and when. That's a subject that's definitely close to my heart, both as a mom and as someone working to make that journey easier for other parents. It's also something that's always on the mind of Anna Fuller, today's guest.
Anna is the founder of 3am Society, a service helping parents find the best deals on all the things they need, when they need them. We'll talk about the 3am Society and what inspired it, but also about what it's like to ramp into parenting—all the realizations that hit you and finding joy in even mundane moments.
Welcome, Anna.
Anna Fuller: Thanks so much for having me, Jane. Excited to be here.
Jane: We're excited to talk to you more. Can you start by telling us a little bit about yourself and your family?
Anna: Of course. I live in Seattle with my partner and my toddler, who is almost three years old. We've been here for the past five or six years. Prior to that, I lived and worked in the Bay Area, but I'm originally from the East Coast.
Jane: You are the founder of 3am Society. Can you tell us what the 3am Society is and what inspired it?
Anna: 3am Society is a shopping service for moms from pregnancy through toddlerhood, roughly zero to three. We send out weekly drops that help you find the best deals on products that you need right now. These are typically themed around either seasonal events—for example, finding the best beach gear or items for fall weather approaching winter—but they're also based on common themes that parents face throughout the year.
For example, back to school for our age group isn't your classic back to school—it's your child starting daycare for the first time and the supplies you need for that. Or you're traveling with your baby or toddler for the first time, so we share product recommendations to help you prepare. The goal is really to find the right product for the parent at the right time, and always offer the best deal.
3am Society evolved from a company I founded about four years ago called Halo. We started focusing on the new parent segment about three years ago and really found that this segment is in dire need of shopping support. There are so many things that you need to buy for your baby. Each stage is brand new to parents, especially first-time parents, but even second-time parents—each child is different and their needs differ.
You're just doing this process of constantly trying to discover what you need for your child at any given stage. And by the way, you're also super busy with everything else that you have going on. It's very overwhelming to shop online and try to sort through all the products that are out there, make sure you're getting the best deal on the best product, and have that confidence to buy. 3am Society is about helping you navigate through that.
In the longer term, our vision is to fully offload the shopping for you. Our app should be able to anticipate when you have needs coming up—whether it's as simple as your child growing to the next shoe size, or you have a birthday party on your calendar and we'll be able to find the best products for birthday parties for one-year-olds. Or it could be more complex where you share that you have a trip coming up, and we're able to find and source the best deals and products for you.
Jane: That sounds super exciting and so helpful. As a mom to two kids as well, I can completely attest to the fact that a lot of brain space goes to thinking about what they need and figuring out where to get that. How do you relate to that as a mom? What's your experience of trying to find things for your toddler?
Anna: My eyes were really opened wide beginning when I was pregnant. I've worked in the shopping space for the past 12 or more years, and I thought I knew e-commerce and shopping. But when I became pregnant, I all of a sudden had to tackle this brand new space where I had no background. There was a different category for every small thing, from feeding to diapering.
I think this is something that you're tackling with The Starter Set—new parents get thrown into the deep end with no knowledge at all of what they need. Most of them have friends who have gone through this before, but the information sharing is sparse, so it just leaves new parents feeling like they're floating adrift on this massive ocean of products and not sure which ones they should actually invest in.
I definitely felt that when I was pregnant. Parents thrive on recommendations from others or from trusted experts, and I definitely felt that in my own journey. I would say the first probably six months of parenting felt like I was just buying, buying, buying, buying. Every parent is up at all hours, whether I was nursing or holding my baby. I feel like I was just buying things—so many 3am orders. Thankfully that has toned down a bit since my daughter has gotten older, but there are still new challenges to buy for. There are always new things that they're aging into, and it's overwhelming and challenging. You really rely on trusted recommendations from people or experts that you know.
Jane: That 3am shopping cart is a very dangerous place to be. What are some of the things that you found, even personally, that have helped you navigate it? You mentioned friends and having that network, but anything else that became go-to resources for you?
Anna: Number one is just people that I know in my network. I'm fortunate enough to have a couple of very close-knit groups of mom friends that all had babies around the same time as I did. In fact, that's the inspiration behind the 3am Society name. I reserved the domain name when my daughter was about a month old at 2:38am because I was just sitting there in the nursery rocker in the almost darkness of the nursery, probably nursing my daughter, who at the time took like an hour per session.
It may have seemed like I was alone in that moment, but in actuality, there was a community of moms who were all awake at the same time, for better or for worse, and simultaneously messaging back and forth. It didn't have to be deep. There was a lot of advice and recommendations, including product recommendations shared, but it also just felt amazing to have this community who were there to share in funny anecdotes or share in whatever was difficult about your day.
I definitely leaned on my parent groups for product recommendations. Also, there are great guides online to be able to understand what products work and what products don't. I think those are probably my go-to—friends and then online expert sources.
Jane: What are some of those online sources that you personally consult when you're trying to see if something works or doesn't work?
Anna: I love things like Wirecutter for just generic, high-level stuff. It's not your typical blog where they clearly haven't used the product at all. It's usually a little bit higher quality than that, so I'll use that for high-level overviews.
When I'm diving in on a category-by-category basis, like let's say I'm trying to decide which jogging stroller is right for me, I'll typically refer to YouTube videos. I'm looking for people who have actually tried both strollers who are joggers or runners themselves, and the video format lets me see and experience the product almost as if I were there. So I really like video reviews as well. I'll search on YouTube, but I'll also search on TikTok or Instagram. I don't have a specific go-to influencer that I follow. I think it's more about finding people who seem to be uniquely suited to speak to that product decision that I'm facing.
Jane: That makes sense. And it's good to have that visual cue, because especially now that everything's moved online, it's so hard to be able to try out products. Those videos definitely help.
I think it's actually becoming somewhat of a theme in the conversations that I've been having – really around that community. What are some of the pieces of advice that you feel like you've taken away from there, or things that have really resonated with your own parenting journey?
Anna: Well, first of all, let me just address a piece of advice that was not applicable at all. When I was pregnant and I chatted with other parents that had multiple kids, they would tell me things like, "Oh, make sure you take advantage of when your baby is super small and try to travel as much as possible in the first couple of months, because it's not going to be as easy when they get older."
That's true, but I think it's only evident in hindsight. When I was in the thick of it in the first couple of months, it's really, really tough. You are dealing with emotions and hormones and new challenges, learning how to navigate this new life. For me personally, I was dealing with a little bit of postpartum anxiety, and I never dealt with anxiety before. For me, venturing out to a restaurant or to go on a little walk felt like a big deal. I couldn't even imagine going wine tasting in wine country in Washington. Don't put that pressure on yourself. Just take it at your own pace.
Jane: That is super good advice. I actually think it's interesting that you flagged that as something that you thought might have been good in hindsight. I remember with my first I was so anxious. I agree with you. There's no way I would have been on a trip wine tasting in wine country or something like that. But with the second, at least for me, I think it was this interesting experience because it gave me this ability to appreciate the quiet moments that are harder to appreciate sometimes that first time around.
Anna: Right. Yeah, that makes sense.
Jane: You touched on something really important that a lot of moms experience, which is postpartum anxiety. What are some of the things that you found helped you during that time?
Anna: Number one is just not being too hard on yourself, taking time to really fully recover, whatever that means. So not setting unreasonable expectations about your day. It's okay if you spend your day holding your baby while they're sleeping, hopefully sleeping, and you don't get out of your pajamas. That's okay. So I think just being kind to yourself and setting reasonable expectations will set you up more for success than if you're continually having unrealistic expectations and then not meeting them.
I also have had a great therapist over the years, so that's always helpful – just having somebody to talk to. And then talking to your parent community—it's likely that most other people you know who have new babies are going through similar things. It's always helpful to share what's going on, not just the ups, but the downs too.
In Seattle, there is a really great program called PEPS, which brings together first-time parents, but I think they also have groups that support second-time parents as well. They bring together a group of parents who all have had their baby within like two or three months. And so you get this cohort of new people to go through this stage of life with. We've remained friends with many of the people that we initially met through PEPS to this day. In fact, we have a bunch of three-year-old birthday parties coming up this summer for all of our PEPS crew.
Jane: I'm also from the Seattle area and was a PEPS parent as well. And the added benefit if you do happen to stay in touch with the group is you get to see the amazing progress you make from the newborn stage to the toddlers and three-year-olds.
There's something you said that I wanted to circle back to around taking it easy on yourself. That's a really great thing to remember and is sometimes hard to remember when you're in the thick of it, but also the expectations. A lot of parents come into parenting, especially as first-time parents, with a lot of different expectations. What are some of the things that you found to be different than what you expected as you had a baby?
Anna: First, my eyes were opened to all of my previous colleagues who had been parents all along. It was like all of a sudden, I stumbled upon this secret society of people who were going through this—because by age three, things feel a little bit more normal. You've gotten used to this pace of life. But when I first became a parent, my mind was blown. I was like, "Wait a second, so all these people around me have been parents all this time. They have all these demands on their time that I didn't have previously."
I had the luxury of doing whatever I wanted at any time of day. But as a parent, you don't have that luxury. You need to manage your time a lot more efficiently. I was just so impressed with all of the parents around me that I kind of feel like I had not fully appreciated what they were going through before this. Things just feel so overwhelming when you're a new parent—thinking about sleep and feeding and diapering and "oh my God, what is this rash?" All of these things feel like such a big deal, and they are such a big deal, but they feel really overwhelming in the moment.
I remember I definitely used to be one of those people who, when people would talk about their kids, I would be guilty of maybe once or twice mentioning my cat as like, "Oh, I have to do X, Y, Z for my cat." That's a different kind of responsibility. I'm not diminishing it, but it's totally different than having a child. So my eyes were just opened.
Jane: I love that one. I have a dog, and one of the jokes that we make is that the work-to-joy ratio is also pretty different, in the beginning, especially.
Anna: For sure. Yeah.
Jane: Was it more difficult than you expected?
Anna: I think that's hard to answer because I didn't have an expectation. I had an expectation that it would be difficult, but I really didn't have any firm understanding of what that meant. Coming out of it, yeah, it was difficult and I had a firmer understanding of what that meant. But I don't think it was harder or easier than I thought it would be, just because I really didn't have an expectation of what it would be like.
I would say the thing that far surpassed my expectation is just the crazy joy and love that you feel for your children. It's just on a new level, and I think it really does change your whole outlook and your priorities. Speaking of things that are mind-boggling about parenting—I feel like there is this love in my life for my child that is so extreme and I feel it so strongly. And then I think about how that feeling is one of the most common feelings in the world. Like there are billions of parents out there that are feeling these bonds with their children. I think that's really special.
Jane: Absolutely. Well said.
Switching gears a little bit. One of the things that we started talking about, and also one of the things that we'll be doing at The Starter Set, is helping parents sort through all of the stuff and products that they have to think about. We talked a lot about learning curves and what that's like. Is there anything that you felt like in your experience was just a game changer for you?
Anna: Definitely the most used single product that provided the most value was my Spectra breast pump. Just a total workhorse. I breastfed whether that was nursing or pumping for I think 14-ish, 15 months, something like that. I actually ran the numbers at one point in time, and I had pumped for 387 days in a row as a working mom. We're talking multiple times a day. At my peak, I think I was pumping like five to six times a day.
I pumped all over the place—airplane bathrooms, the backs of Ubers, on hundreds of Zoom calls. Thank you to the pandemic, which meant that most of our businesses were remote and you could do that with some careful camera placement. But yeah, I would say just my Spectra. I had a travel pump. I had an Elvie as well. But if I was going somewhere for more than 24 hours, I would also pack my Spectra. That one I toted to and from work. I was working out of a WeWork for a lot of that time, and the WeWork is in the middle of Capitol Hill, Seattle, which is a relatively young neighborhood. I was the only mother pumping in the whole building. I basically commandeered their mom's room for over a year as my private office. But yeah, the Spectra really brought me through. So many hours, so many ounces. Such a great product.
Jane: I love that—so many hours, so many ounces. How did you decide on the Spectra?
Anna: Just reading online reviews. I distinctly remember friends telling me that you would need a hospital-grade pump. Basically, that a travel pump or one of the pumps that go in your bra probably isn't going to cut it. And I definitely was grateful for that. That was really good advice.
Jane: What about something that you feel like before you had a kid you thought you might need, or you were told you'd need, but didn't really end up using?
Anna: One thing that I registered for, because I just thought it was so cute was the Bumbo seat. There's a couple of different brands of these, but basically what they are is a rubberized little seat that you can prop your baby up in. The baby needs to be old enough to have some neck control, but you can put them there with a tray. Once they start solids, you can put little solid food there for them to try, or you could give them a little toy to bang around on the tray.
I just thought they were so cute and seemed so practical, like, "Oh, I can just plop my baby down here while I'm doing the dishes or something." We got one, and I think by the time my daughter was able to hold her head up, her little chunky thighs were too big for it. So she didn't even fit in it very much. It just turned out it wasn't as convenient as I thought it was going to be. I think the bouncer that we got was more convenient. That one definitely worked for longer.
Jane: Yeah, it's super cute, but not as useful. That's a good summary. Obviously different parents have different experiences with all sorts of products, and every baby is different and likes different things, which is one of the things that you learn as you have a baby. It's amazing to see what a wide range of preferences different kids will have.
As we've had this conversation and reflected on the parenting experience, what would you want people to really take away?
Anna: I guess it's just about being open and not having too many preconceived expectations about how things are going to go, whether that's at a high level or on a more day-to-day basis. One of my favorite Instagrams that I've ever seen is this video that's telling the story of a day from two perspectives. One is the mom, and one is the child.
From the mom's perspective, it's super hectic. All these things have gone wrong throughout the day. The child was sick and had to stay home, so the mom had to cancel whatever she had going on, whether that's work or other stuff. They didn't have the right food in the house, so they had to go out to get it. The child dropped something at the grocery store. Just all these things going wrong. The end of the day comes and the mom is thinking, "Oh, this day has just gone wrong."
And then you see the toddler's point of view and it's like, "Oh, I got to spend the day with my mom. And we did all these fun, exciting things. And my mom let me carry this jar at the grocery store. And even though I dropped it, she was so understanding and forgiving and it was just the best day ever."
So I feel like taking joy in the mundane and enjoying the overall process and just kind of being more chill when things go wrong. Just have a sense of humor about it and just be there to connect with your child and enjoy your time with them. Because the reality is they're getting older so quickly. So just enjoy it.
Jane: That's such a good reminder, both about perspective and also really reminds me of what you said earlier about how one of the things that you maybe hear people talk about, but don't really understand until you experience it, is that love that your child has for you and that you'll have for that child. I think that's such a great way to cap it off.
Thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciated having your perspective on early parenthood and am excited about what you're doing with 3am Society. What is next for 3am Society that you'd want to share?
Anna: We have a huge roadmap planned of how to increase the amount of shopping support that we're providing parents. That includes things like increasing our brand partnerships with top brands in the space where we're able to offer exclusive discounts to our community, increasing the features that we have on our site that support shopping, increasing the amount of personalization that we're able to provide.
Shopping today is very much a pull activity where as a consumer, I have to think about my need and then I have to go pull the resources to me—whether that's searching on Google or using ChatGPT or browsing on a website. I have to do all of the work to go do the research, find the right product, price compare, and then finally purchase it.
Whereas we have a mentality of being much more of a push. We want to be able to suggest the product to you that you need at that time. It should feel magical, like we've anticipated your need, where as a parent, all you have to do is just say yes. We should be able to say, "Hey, we know you have a birthday party coming up. You need a gift to arrive by Tuesday for this party that you have on Sunday." And the parent should just say, "Yep, sounds good, send it to me." And then it shows up on your doorstep. So we're building toward that future.
Jane: That's amazing. And that is a future I would like to be a part of. Thank you again so much. Really appreciate you taking the time to talk with us today.
Anna: Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited for The Starter Set. I have cousins who are ramping into the baby stage, and we'll be doing lots of registering in the near future, so I would love to point them your way when you're ready.
Jane: I would love that. We are working as hard as we can to get things out as fast as we can.
To learn more about 3am Society and sign up for weekly drops, go to 3amsociety.com. Thank you for listening. Until next time.
.png)
.png)